Franz Ferdipants

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:39:52 GMT

I accidentally a whole chapter.

For aphephobia

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 07:33:10 GMT

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 05:49:10 GMT

I did the 30-day quickflix trial. Everything worked well except that almost half of the DVDs I received skipped. Quickflix claim that 97% of their discs are faultless but my experience is that it is more like 62%. It's a shame that I had to close the account.

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 07:59:41 GMT

So... how 'bout that local sports team?

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 11:48:21 GMT

I'm very tired. My place is a little cleaner. Lots of things happened this weekend. Most importantly:

GO COLLINGWOOD!

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 06:20:20 GMT

It's a quarter past four in the afternoon. I've been waiting since 8am for some dude to come and read the gas meter (because they failed the first time around). Theoretically they might show up anytime between 8am and 6pm. What is the chance that they aren't going to show up at all, or that they will show up but fail to find the front door and leave?

UPDATE: 5:55pm - They must be right around the corner...

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:30:01 GMT

For, if not, chocolate, like a manhole?

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 10:54:10 GMT

I have a new place.

It has a new cat.

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 00:33:17 GMT

Benjamin Franklin had an interesting take on mornings:

Rise, wash, and address Powerful Goodness; contrive day's business and take the resolution of the day; prosecute the present study; and breakfast.

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 00:25:39 GMT

Best flash app evarr.

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 01:54:01 GMT

Boys and girls are different.

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 04:38:15 GMT

I am eating a banana.

UPDATE: I have finished eating the banana.

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:22:34 GMT

Woah, just walked three kilometers home in the rain. Good thing I had this sweet hat or it would have been soggy times ahead for my, ah, head.

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:15:08 GMT

Browsing the aisles at the supermarket has revealed that the Uncle Toby's oat crisps have reduced in size from 500g to 450g, the price remains the same.

Dare I say it - the oat crisps have been decimated.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 11:51:33 GMT

Pants.

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 08:21:42 GMT

A couple of things from the world of science fiction.

Alastair Reynolds, chuffed with his million-pound 10 book deal, reads a short military SF piece.

Compare and contrast with this piece, from a relatively unknown writer:

"I want to buy a gun," said the Thymomenoraptor. He moved his foreclaw along the glass case of pistols, counting them off: one, two, three, four. "That one." He tapped the case; the glass squeaked.

"Why would a dinosaur need a gun?" asked the shop owner.

"Self-defense."

The owner's gaze dropped to the three-inch claw that had chipped his display case.

"These are killing claws," said the dinosaur, whose name was Tark. "For sheep, or cows. I merely want to disable an attacker with a precision shot to the leg or other uh, limbal region."

"Uh-huh," the owner said. "Or maybe you figure humans shoot each other all the time, but if someone turns up ripped in half the cops are gonna start lookin' for dinosaurs."

Tark carefully pounded the counter. "There used to be a time," he said, "when gun dealers would actually sell people guns! A time . . . called America. I miss that time."

Also a potential game-changer from the world of science fact: the end of the world.

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:52:40 GMT

Triple J ran another Hottest 100 Of All Time poll. Lots of great songs in there and I don't really care why #xx wasn't at #yy and what is wrong with you people omg lern 2 musik. It's all good.

When I was a stupid kid (as opposed to a stupid adult) Triple J was some sort of special club to me. I knew very few people who would listen to it (stoners for the most part) and I felt oh-so-special when a song would hit the commercial stations six months later and I was all "been there, heard that." My brothers would borrow my CDs two to three *years* after I bought them.

So Triple J listeners must be awesome, like me, right? I'll let the comments from the website speak for themselves:

1. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

mattyc - Should be called 'Smells Like Sheep Spirit'. well done people, you all successfully followed the herd...

2. Rage Against the Machine - Killing In The Name

Bailz - If you don't like this song. You deserve a 'Bullet In The Head'! Don't worry all who voted for it, the Sheeple that didn't just don't get it. They still havn't woken up!!

3. Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

Musick Guuru - This was one of the best bits of the first Shrek film. When I hear this I think of Shrek. Looks like Nirvana at number 2 and Beat It will be the greatest most popular JJJ song of all time. Michael Jackson was truly the greatest white black artist of all time

4. Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart

triple j fan - Well i.ve never herd of this song before and it sounds very funny lol strange and different voice but i dont understand how it got into the top 5??? it's good enough for the top 20 but not the top 5???

5. Radiohead - Paranoid Android

James - Ya WHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?? Number five??? I am seriously fired up and pissed off. This comes in at number five and the whole world condemms Iran for rigging elections?? Look at what JJJ has done!! I am rioting. What songs have been released that I have missed that are better than this?? Faaarrrrrk!!!!

6. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

cool col - I reckon that all you RADIO VOTERS must have been on drugs when you voted because honestly there are way too many songs in this countdown!
Was this song ever NUMERO UNO?

7. Jeff Buckley - Last Goodbye

confused - wow!! great song, this is the first time ive ever heard it , but thank god it beat hilltop hoods, still come on no: 7? be serious

8. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge

Pete from Perth - No# 8!!! of all time, You're FUCKING joking it wasn't No# 8 in 1991. I'm starting to worry that MGMT or Dizzy (Bonker's)whatever the rest of his fucking title is, are gonna snatch top spot!

9. Foo Fighters - Everlong

David - I can't believe this song made the count. Whilst good, top 10?? - I don't think so!! What's wrong with everyone - no sex pistols, no U2, no Jam, no Saints, hardly any Bowie, no Ramones and the wrong Cure song. Great concept triple j - unfortunately your listeners let you down with some crap nominations!!!!

10. Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven

loveable_aussie - sorry, but this song is a clich'e

Here are some meta-comment gems:

On the premise of the greatest songs of all time:
rudatz - I love the top100, but if there is no mozart of pach's cannon then you guys are shit, seriously, without that crankin shit there would be none of this top100 stuff. pach's the bomb ~~~~~~~~

On being involved with one's self:
divid - This entire list is such a farce, how on earth can you create a 'hottest 100' of all time?! its ridiculous.
JJJ need to pull their heads out and stop being so self involved.

On bias:
fellintoorbit - Why is there not a single song by a female artist in this entire list?

I count only 2 female vocalists, both of them guests, and both in Massive Attack songs (Teardrop and Unfinished Sympathy).

People are a tad biased towards men, no?

On a better result:
roadworthy - Yeah really doesn't make sense this "Of all time". Lets do it another way by seeing what songs are downloaded the most. That will give us a better result

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 05:46:09 GMT

It is easy to get jaded with news these days. I know it is hard to break through the 24 hour cycle and get to the core of the issues. This is why from now on I will only be watching news presented using autotune:

Vote 1 Junkie Einstein in 2010!

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 02:54:06 GMT

Look at this can of soup:

LOOK AT IT! The label is almost too manly for the frickin' can. Rub it the wrong way and it will peel off and launch itself at your face, Alien-style. Don't blame me, you shouldn't be rubbing cans of soup like that. It's kinda girly. Cans like this need to be handled properly. They need manhandling.

I can't even eat the soup now. Every time I look at this can I have to go off and do something manly like wrestle a bear or build a bridge.

How come nobody told me that canned soup was so goddamn manly?

Sat, 30 May 2009 07:56:02 GMT

From a conversation today:

Not-so-super powers time. You can only pick two.

1. A badger follows you around. You can't control the badger, it justs follows you and does badger stuff.

2. You can put bubbles back in drinks. Does not work on blood.

3. You can increase the size of your feet to as long as you want, but you can't decrease it.

4. You become pretty good at poker, but you also get a gambling addiction.

5. You can make people in a 10 meters radius feel slightly depressed. It works on you, too.

6. You can see through roofs. No walls, only the roofs.

7. You can win every match on super smash brothers, but only without items. With Fox. On Final Destination.

8. You can make chocolate taste like any vegetable you want.

9. You can teleport anywhere on earth for one second, then you get teleported back from where you came from.

10. Any post you make on any forum will troll people, and get a thousand replies of irate forumspeople.

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:15:01 GMT

"This piece of shit isn't fit to line the bottom of a bird cage. Miss Lief, you aren't a writer, you're a ghoul. You should have worked with Burke and Hare. This wretched abomination has as much charm and grace and symmetry as a thalidomide baby. As a writer I'm offended, as an editor, I'm repelled, as a human being I'm nauseated. This is a grotesquerie unsullied by the presence of beauty in any form whatsoever. It is unstructured, illogical, moronic, ungrammatical, despicable in the extreme. Rather than simply tearing it to shreds and stomping on it-" which I proceeded to do, to the horror of the class and Robin Wilson "-I should stuff it up whatever available orifice in your body I might find, including the anal one from which it clearly emerged. You are a talentless creature, an affront to anyone seriously considering writing a craft, a chacma baboon in human guise. If you ever dare to submit something as noxious as this again, I will beat the crap out of you. Is that clear? Stop crying and answer me! Is that clear, is that perfectly, crystal clear?"
-- Harlan Ellison, reciting his critique of an unknown work by Evelyn Lief in Again, Dangerous Visions II.

So I have been learning the art of the critique over the past few days, preparing for the group sessions coming up. Don't worry. I am not looking to emulate the illustrious Mr Ellison. He is the exception to the rule and we love him for that.

Critique in speculative fiction has had an interesting past. Famous workshops have produced some of the best authors in the genre and also created many friendships and at least a few marriages. On the flip side there have also been divorces and emotional breakdowns. One poor fellow was hospitalised with chest pains after contact with Ellison (checkmate, mrben). Larry Niven once unintentionally destroyed an entire novel during one session. This is serious business.

The more that I learn about the more I am intrigued. Critiquing fits in well with my aspirations as a science fiction antiquarian. I often have an analytic bent (it helps get through the not-so-readable pieces) and also have a reputation for being brutally honest. The honesty part seems like a good thing to have. The brutal part, not so much. But that is ok. I've been working on it and reading up on the technique of critique (say that ten times fast):

Critters - The premier SF online critique group.
Critique workshops, Milford style - Apparently quite a popular format and credited to Damon Knight (one of my favourite writers).
The Diplomatic Critiquer - I am taking this very much to heart.
Examples of poor critiques - Including directions on how to turn them into diplomatic critiques.

It's my first time doing a formal critique. I've critiqued, critiqued the critique, written a new critique and critiqued that. I'm pretty happy with it. Still a couple of points that I could rephrase but I will wait a few days and look at it fresh. At this stage I am having more fun doing critique than I am writing (!). The only problem is, I printed it in a variable width sans font. I'll never be hardcore that way.

Also, why would you line a bird cage with a piece of shit?

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:14:37 GMT

Sup.

Can't sleep. What's your excuse?

Also, Obama, you still have a long way to go:

da na na

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 07:53:07 GMT

doo doo doo doo na na na. na na na na naa na na nana nanana. doo doo na na na na na- na, na na, nananananana.

doop doo doo doo doo doo doo doooooo doooooo doop do do do do do naaaa na na wa wa wa wa wa- waaaaa wa waaaaaa waaaa...

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 08:43:09 GMT

I didn't know Stargate was doing a Battlestar Galactica ripoff:

Intriguing *raises eyebrow*

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 00:55:03 GMT

Taking a look through the new 4th edition of Dungeons and Dragons. Well, by "new" it is actually a year old now but roleplaying is a funny old thing.

I imagine the intertubes have wasted bajillions of hours comparing the new edition with the old edition. I think the easiest way to explain the difference with the two is to just look at the books:

3rd edition is on the left. 4th edition is on the right.

This is the combat chapter from 3rd edition. Most of the detail doesn't come out from my crappy camera phone but I really like the graphic design used throughout the book. Many of the illustrations are hand-sketched and almost schematic in nature. Tables have minimal styling and the font size is actually quite small.

4th edition I don't like at all. It went from something quite unique to just another high-fantasy RPG. The design puts it directly against World of Warcraft and honestly that just makes it another also-ran.